My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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