Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
