I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
