Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
