I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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