So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
