Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
