Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
