If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
