I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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