Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
