Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
