i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
