i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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