i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
