I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
