I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
