I just saw a hot homeless man
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
