My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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