TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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