I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
