I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
