One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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