you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
