I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
