Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
