I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
