I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
