I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
