Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
