We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Houston, we have a squirter
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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