it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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