Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
