He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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