Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
