a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
