I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
