girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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