Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
