wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
