I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
