I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
