I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
