Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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