This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
time to smoke my breakfast
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
