How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
