The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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