perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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