just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
