I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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