He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
